Between Poems
by Richie S
Summary: Two of my favorite topics, a Dawn Star character study and a romance with Sky. Dawn Star has to face the growing evidence that she may be barren.


I have always found the dawning star to consistently fascinating, maybe I just have a big ego or am simply trying to live up to my name. In any event the multitude of colors in my mind has always formed the most beautiful pallet, a pallet that the greatest artist in the Empire would be unable to duplicate. The beauty of the dawn is also something that has always brought poetry to the forefront of my mind. Sometimes it is famous poetry composed by some of the Empire's most revered scholars, other times it is poems that are common here in the Borderlands and other times it is poetry that my mind seems to construct on the spot. Occasionally I try putting my thoughts unto paper, but in translation my words which seemed so glib and refreshing in my mind become clunky on the page. While in the Imperial City's Scholar Garden I overheard that the key to excellent writing is a two-edge sword. The first side of the blade is firm detail, the second blade was showing, not telling the reader what is going on. My poems sadly lacked both and when I was finished writing them they appeared be nothing more than a collection of unvaried, repetitive sentences that contained an assortment of painfully obvious clichés, with this in mind it appears that my talents lay elsewhere.

Sky however, upon reading one of my poems was quick to declare that I was one of the greatest poets in the history of the Empire. While I of course was flattered, I could not avoid the creeping suspicion that Sky would say that anything I did, however how mundane it was, would be something truly spectacular. That is just what people who love each other say. They place their lover on such a pedestal that they are practically divine. That and I think Sky was trying to talk me into bed, which he succeeded in doing. Much later after Sky had fallen asleep it suddenly occurred to me that I should try writing a poem about what we had just done, I giggled at the thought of this. It certainly was an experience! Though just as soon as my giggling begins it is cut short by a sobering thought. My mind instinctively went through to the logical conclusion of what we had just done, the creation of children. Children were something that I have developed a fondness for as of late.

Granted I had always had a passing interest in children, during my years in Two Rivers. I certainly liked them, they definitely were aesthetically pleasant and they possessed a likeable exuberance. However with that in mind I was reminded just as often of the trials and tribulations of child-rearing. Observing the family life-cycle in Two Rivers proved to be an excellent vantage point from which I saw the seemingly endless trials and tribulations that came from being a parent, but also their was something else, something that elevated having children beyond a mere whimsy and something I only began to notice in my later teenage years. It was a certain facial expression that swung my opinion if favor of children. It consisted of a unique mix of pride, awe, hope, joy, it was the look of a parent when even their child's staunchest critic had to speak well of them. The parent face had become so bright and hopeful, as if their child could truly be the savior of the Empire. For the life of me I was curious about what it would truly be like to feel that way about another human being, one that had originated within your own body and slowly had grown until it had separated into a completely different person.

Since Sky came into my life this though had grown from curiosity to something much greater. It began by mere conversation, the man I love is a skilled orator and engaging him in conversation is always a treat. Naturally a the beginning of our relationship we wanted to know more about each other and over the course of our first year together we collectively amassed a enough knowledge about each other to write an exhaustive biography. Of the various tales from his life that Sky spun and he spun many for my love is a man who has experienced the whole range of human emotions form love, to hate and everything in-between and has done much in his nearly three decades. Yet in all of his tales, of which their was never a dull one the stories that always captured my attention were the ones that were about Pinmei. Whenever he spoke of her his eyes and face showed that he had traveled to a far away place, the change in Sky when he was at this place was simultaneously subtle and remarkable. His jaw relaxed as if in a chuckle, his voice softened as if he had too much wine sans the slurring, his eyes were closed and he had a countenance of immaculate peace.

When Sky had that look on his face was when I loved him the most and would have done anything for him, to take Sky to that place became my vocation which I took seriously. It was not long before I came to a decision as to what to do, my casual fondness for children in my youth and my desire to please Sky had merged to create a goal that had slowly began to consume me, the goal of bearing the man I loved a child. To produce another human being that would be capable of taking Sky to that heavenly place seemed like the most selfless, loving act that I could do, that it was a natural outgrowth of our relationship which had become progressively more loving and intimate, from it innocuous beginnings in the Imperial City, to it's consummation at Dirge, until now a year and a month to the day that we restored the Water Dragon and herein lies the problem.

From Dirge until now more than a year has elapsed, I love Sky and have no doubts that he loves me, seemingly as proof I have never left our bed unsatisfied, yet after more than a year… nothing. I proceeded to be as regular as the changing seasons, I was not nauseated in the mornings, I remained the same size. As the months passed and the status quo remained unchanged I was forced to confront something that had begun as a mild fear but had grown as my desire to have children had grown, that I was barren, that no matter what I did, who I was with I would remain childless. While my fear was tempered by the hope and knowledge that Sky would love me regardless of whether or not I was able to have children, yet it still felt as if my own body had betrayed me, a betrayal that in my mind was every bit as surprising and vicious as Master Li's betrayal of Jen Zi. Despite my non-partum depression my mood did lift as my mind drifted to my de facto sister.

At this moment I do not know of her location, she had returned to Dirge to reform the Spirit Monks Order and was now traveling the Empire in search of new recruits. Ironically I was the first person Jen Zi approached to be inducted, for my abilities would surely be beneficial. I however had to respectfully decline, though destiny had driven me into a great quest and I was honored to have participated I had no desire to start another, even one as noble as re-starting the Spirit Monks. I had garnered enjoyment form my life in Two Rivers and I was eager to take that life up once again, especially now since I also wanted to explore what existed between Sky and myself, I knew we had something together I did not know exactly what it was but I was eager to find out.

I remember vividly the brief conversation I had with Jen Zi in the Imperial Palace which detailed my rejection of her offer, my answer was summed up in a single word, "No" I proceeded with some kind of explanation that involved my life and Sky and was about halfway through a sentence when I realized that my explanation was not necessary. Jen Zi's facial expression was enough, the onyx forest of her hair was divided as if by a river as it fell to her forehead and gave way to her weeping eyes which looked as if I were seeing them through clear stained glass as her tears carved thin, shiny rivers down her peach hued face. Now I had seen Jen Zi weep before, but never like this for as she wept she smiled so wide that her mouth for the briefest moment reminded me of a drawn bow. Suddenly I realized why, as if the though came via revelation. After two decades of friendship this was finally good-bye, after of years of growing up together, training together, fighting together, being willing to die together, becoming so close that we had become sisters, it was all over. Jen Zi was walking down a path that I could not follow. By the time I realized this I too felt my face wet with tears and we both pulled each other into an embrace and wept, both out of the pain of what we were both losing and the joy of what we were gaining.

When we parted that embrace we also parted paths and I have not seen her since. Hear near the outskirts of Tien's Landing, near enough the Southern Forest to make sure the spirits were being laid to rest and thank Jen Zi's mistress the Water Dragon the spirit were returning to normal. Since the year has elapsed since the saving of the Empire I had immersed myself in the study of the Water Dragon, who controlled many things, the element of water, the shepherding of the dead and the placing of recently departed souls as they returned to the world for another life, the Water Dragon decided what spirits went where. That is when the thought came to me, Jen Zi was at the Water Dragon's ear and surely she could convince it to send a soul to me, to reincarnate one in my womb.

With this thought in my mind I reached for paper and pen, eager to compose the correspondence that I would send to Jen Zi asking her for her assistance. My mind was in a state of total focus as if I were in battle as I poured out my heart to my sister by the words on the page. Then a hand fell suddenly on my shoulder and I braced as at the unknown and just as quickly relaxed at Sky's touch and happily turned to face him and drank from the sweetness of his lips. Sky eventually parted to ask "Still trying your luck at poetry?" with his usual charm, I kept my response non-verbal and merely flashed a bright smile and brushed my cheek against his. "Well from the look and feel of things I guess this is a passionate love poem about yours truly" he continued and I replied with a simple word "Indeed" and leaned forward to kiss him once more and wrap an arm around him with one arm and putting the correspondence away with the other. It looks like Sky and myself would make one more attempt at conceiving a child without assistance. As I begin to focus on the task at hand I give one final thought to the paper I had just discarded, I look forward to its completion, I might finally have what I desire and either way, getting their was going to be a lot of fun.


End file.
